Things You Never Thought You Would Say
Do you ever say something and then take a step back and think, “Did I really just say that?” I cannot tell you how many times a week I do just that. And it has been that way ever since my oldest (turning 17 in a few weeks) became mobile. My youngest will 3 on Monday and it is still going on. Crazy things that make no sense and should never even be mentioned in the same sentence. Most of them, of course, have to deal with body parts and such as that… wait, why do kids have such a fascination with bodily functions and noises? Oh well… back to the topic at hand.
For instance, one thing I said that my older two remember quite well and bring up often happened as I was washing dishes one day. Let me set the scene: My oldest was probably 3½ years old and my son would have been about 20 months old. They were outside on our balcony of the apartment we were living in at the time. My son, like any little boy, was fascinated with super heroes. We lived next door to the playground. There was a Little Tikes picnic table on our patio. Ok… got all that? As I look up from the sink I see my daughter standing on the table with one foot about to go over the railing. I run outside just in time to stop her from jumping off. I look at them both and ask what they were thinking. She looks at me and says, “Bubba said I was Superman.” I look at them both in disbelief and explain, “I don’t care what your brother thinks… YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN! You cannot fly down to the playground!”
Yep! That started it all. And we have never had a balcony again. My son blames it all on his sister and she on him but the truth remains… the younger girls will never get the chance to even try!
Anyways… I once again asked a few friends to give me some of their best “Things You Never Thought You Would Say” moments as parents. They had a lot of fun with this one and the comments were great! And, since I have to keep it family-friendly, here are some ones that make you say, “WHAT?”
No you may not color the cat with markers.
We do NOT play sail boats in the toilet.
People do not really tie string to their teeth and slam the door.
And the classic: I don’t care what your friends do, I’m not their mother. ~ The Springmount 6 Pack ~
We don’t lick the screen door.
Get your hands out of your butt.
Please don’t color on mommy. ~Tales From the Nursery~
Pencils, licorice, rulers, etc are not swords and should not be used to hit your brother.
No I don’t want to build a trebuchet to launch water balloons at our neighbor.
Bacon is not required at every meal even if Daddy said so.
No the dog didn’t cause that smell. ~More 4 Mom’s Buck~
I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it!
I brought you into this world, I can take you out! (Thank you Mr. Cosby)
What part of NO didn’t you understand the N or the O part? (actually I said this to my 8 yr old the other day to which he replied, “the NO Part”…kids!)
You think this is hard? When I was your age… ~Jade Louise Designs~
Do not poke the (dog/cat/baby cat/sibling) in the (eye/ear/butt/nose)!
Your boogers do not belong on your sister, please get a tissue.
My typical response to the what’s for dinner question: food! The kind you eat. ~MomVantage~
No, RedBull doesn’t really give you wings and we’re not testing it… again.
The tooth fairy doesn’t take rotten teeth, you should go brush.
Yes, I’m your real mom, aliens didn’t leave you on the porch. Your brother was only teasing. ~Grandma Juice~
I don’t care how mad you are at your brother you can’t scrub the toilet with his toothbrush! No we can’t send the baby back! You must have gotten that from your fathers side of the family. ~Libby’s Library~
Fight nice or don’t fight at all!
Kid: “Where are we going” Mom: “Crazy – you should know since you are the one driving us there.”~ Adventures of a Couponista ~
Please don’t put stickers on your [body part].
And my personal fave….please don’t lick the lobster tank again. ~Mama Loves Her Bargains~
Kid: “Where are we going?” Mom: “Crazy, wanna come” Kid: Why are we doing this? For fun to make our feet laugh.” ~Clever Housewife~
If you don’t stop sucking your thumb it will start rotting, stink up the whole house and fall off. ~The Kids Are Grown, Now What?~
You better stop crying or I’ll give you something to really cry about! ~The Frugal Wife Blog~
Do not touch or look at your sister/brother. ~Domestic Executive Online ~
Watch tv so that I can get some work done. ~This Flourishing Life~
Ok… you know you have said some crazy things in your parenting journey. What are they? Share them in the comments below. I would love to read more. These ladies all had me giggling. I know I have more!